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A young cowboy named Robert Bartlett grew restless. He determined to make his name–and a whole pile of cash–by bringing down a notorious outlaw named “Hung John” Unger. “Hung John” was a seriously dangerous man, having been hanged at least twice–with no permanent effect on his longevity or his character. Of course, every man hanged considered himself more victim than villain. As Unger once started to explain to young Bartlett. “Nobody talked to me again, ‘til they brung me a lawyer. By now, it was past midday, an’ I s’pose I should o’ been grateful they found one that was still sober. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. I figured he had to listen to me. An’ once someone really listened to me, they’d understand–an’ the whole thing would get cleared up. I figured talkin’ to that lawyer was my ticket out. But once that lawyer talked to me, I figured they’d hang me for sure.” The upshot, in his own words, “So they finally got it all sorted out an’ hung me. They weren’t all that good at it.”

Bartlett’s encounter with the indestructible desperado would result in making a name he’d never wanted, in an occupation he’d never intended, with rewards that were fleeting at best. Robert Bartlett rode into the desert for an honorable quest. He rode out of the desert as the outlaw, “Chili Beans” Bartlett.

And this is the story of his adventures, told in his own words. “ ...the true story of how I become an outlaw named 'Chili Beans' Bartlett. Forget all the tall tales an’ fancy-pants foolishness you’ve read. I’m here to tell you, life ain’t no rodeo. An’ I ain’t no rodeo clown put on this earth for your amusement. Furthermore, my life ain’t no Wild West novel. It’s my life an’ I’m takin’ it back!

“This gospel-true story o’ mine is goin’ into the secure hands of a genuine friend. An’ when I die–many, many, many, many years from now–that friend will publish this-here story as a book which you all can read. But I guess you know that: ‘cause you’re readin’ it right now. ‘Nough said.”

“Chili Beans” is an ambitious and enterprising young man whose misguided zeal and “get rich quick” credo lands him on opposing sides of the law, at different times. As a desperado, he no longer wants to make a name for himself. He just wants to make a dollar (actually, a whole lot of dollars). And he thinks, maybe, he can beat the system: play on both sides without getting caught in the middle. Throughout this, he remains a reluctant outlaw. As with us all, along the way, “Chili Beans” Bartlett experiences life’s upsets and triumphs, often aided–sometimes inhibited–by the interesting characters who come to inhabit his life.

“Chili Beans” finds that just associating with a dedicated psychopath like “Hung” John Unger can be endlessly stressful and repeatedly land him in peculiar, life-threatening situations. But when he meets up with Unger's compadres, “Chili” finds himself uncomfortably surrounded by seriously dangerous men like the Carleton brothers, Floyd (“Foxy”) and Bartholomew (“Br'er Bear”). And perhaps the most dangerous character—after John Unger—Bartlett barely survives his introduction to the skinner, who he describes as “...the most aptly named man I ever met. Nathan Skinner, it was. 'Big Nate,' he was called by some. 'Skinner Nate' he’s known by most.”

“Chili Beans” becomes anxious to separate himself from these dangerous men and the dangerous situations they put him in. He finds himself conflicted. At times, he's unable to break away; and at other times, he's unwilling to leave. While consorting with these criminals, he learns a lot about himself: his capabilities and his limits. And he discovers that other people also have many facets to their characters. His previous belief that first impressions are always right is altered by his time with these men. As Bartlett explains, “I kind o’ had a good feelin’ about the 'skinner.' Oh, I knew for sure he didn’t meet the others at no box social. He was cut from the same coarse material–bred of the same rabid dog–as my other “companions.” I’d seen how dangerous he could be. But I couldn’t help jus’ warmin’ up to the feller–jus’ likin’ him, right off. He had that way with people.

“By mid afternoon, the drunken revelry had begun again–in honor of the new arrival. This time, I chose to participate. I jus’ felt safer with 'Skinner Nate' around. Drunk or sober, asleep or awake: he jus’ seemed to have more senses (an’ more sense) than the rest of us. An’ his senses were always at the ready. So I did participate in the drinkin’ an’ the hootin’. But I let the others do the story tellin’. Up ‘til the time I met 'Hung John' Unger, my life didn’t amount to much of a story worth tellin’. But these here men had more excitement before breakfast than I had in a month o’ Sundays. So I enjoyed listenin’.

“I especially admired the 'skinner’s' take on things an’ his turn of a phrase. Like when I asked him ‘bout the first time he ever killed a man in a gunfight, 'Skinner Nate' said, 'He dropped dead from one shot; I like that in a man.'

I learned that Skinner once had a wife–from the other fellers kiddin’ him about it. I asked him, seriously, what attracted him to her when he first saw her. I was a bit shocked when he told me, 'She was completely naked; an’ I admire that in a woman.'”

As “Chili” got closer with the “skinner” and some of the others, fear turned to friendship and trust. But not so with “Hung John” Unger, who called Bartlett his “partner” but came damned close to killing him, on several occasions.

During all of this, “Chili Beans” manages to form a meaningful, lifelong relationship with an exceptional young filly. He decides to call her “Standard.” She's an Indian pony whose previous rider had an unpleasant encounter with the “skinner.” Of course, Bartlett also meets a girl. Through unusual—but fortunate—circumstances, he ends up being saved, cared for and protected by a hotel owner's young daughter, Martha, and her little sister, Gertie. The comfort he feels with these girls, the closeness that develops, and the attraction he has for Martha, provides “Chili” with the first sense of what it must be like to have a real family. And this provides his first real impetus to change his life. He's barely survived gunfights and narrowly escaped from armed posses. Now he must try to escape being “Chili Beans” Bartlett and somehow survive to create a good life for his new family. But even if he can separate himself from the outlaws, he can't just leave them. He needs them to survive. Through his association with them, he has become notorious in wanted posters and dime novels as “the outlaw, 'Chili Beans' Bartlett,” and is infamous throughout the territory and beyond. Robert Bartlett fell into becoming “Chili Beans” Bartlett; but “Chili Beans” Bartlett must struggle to resurrect Robert Bartlett.

Not to be reproduced or otherwise used without the express permission of the Author.

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Index

How I Became an Outlaw, by "Chili Beans" Bartlett

Chapter I – "Hung John”

Chapter II – "Chili Beans"

Chapter III – Seriously Dangerous Men

Chapter IV - “Li’l Cat”

Chapter V - Salamanders Are a Good Sign

Chapter VI - So the Legend Begins

Chapter VII - Back In the Saddle

Chapter VIII - Martha, My Dear

Chapter IX - We

Chapter X - That’s The Thing About Women

Chapter XI - The Train

Chapter XII - Tall-Tales an’ Fabrications

Chapter XIII - This Wasn’t Good

Chapter XIV - What’s Right Is What’s Right

Chapter XV - That Stink-Water Town

Chapter XVI - “Lost”

Chapter XVII – Skills

Chapter XVIII – Scalps

Chapter XIX – 'Nough Said

Pssst... Feel like TWEETING? ==>   G o ahead, you know you want to!

'NOUGH SAID,

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!

SJS